MElancholy

As he lay prone on his bed, he wondered..'How many friends do I have?' The Deafening silence within his subconscious seemed to suggest what he had assumed all along. In the past few weeks He had begun, what he thought in his mind would be aptly called the 'Limitless project', taken from the movie of the same name, the thought had leaped to his mind when he saw how great one could become on ones own power if only he utilized all his god given potential.

"I'll do it", he thought..."then I'll show them all, all those people who still dont think I exist, those who keep saying we should meet,but would rush to welcome the first visitor from out of town, and treat me as though I was a fly on the wall."

"Well, you were, and you only have yourself to blame, said a tiny voice in the corner of your mind... you don't let go of the past, you hated your school life, you allowed yourself to get consumed with the trivial, and you lost sight of what's important. Your obstinate willingness to keep secrets is what has gotten you into this state.. it said..a little more forcefully now.Now look at you, alone..friendless, doing a job in your area of expertise for low pay and long hours, you bolted at the first sign of a long siege, when you could have at least tried to hold on back there... you would have finally escaped."

He sat up now, startled at the forcefulness of the voice...and retorted,"Look at it rationally, there was no way of predicting it, and this way, I'm self made, I did it myself.I didn't need anyone's help,or influence." he said as a sneer crept across his face,"besides, with the Limitless project.."

"Oh yes, that, how's it going for you,you're feeling sore and tired, you're alone, no one cares for you, people treat you like you're a washed up has been...you've written down your ideas, but you haven't solved any of them,that's your flaw, There's no way you can finish this project, because you're running,from what I dont know, you've dynamited more bridges this month than any other...You care so deeply for some that if you dont see reciprocity, you choose to withdraw altogether."

" Really? Then tell me how I can solve it, you see everything I've done as wrong...tell me how I can over come it, where is the solution?"

"You can be one of them, not both,you may become the best you there ever was, but at the cost of making people forget you completely, or compromise on it by going against yourself...you can be happy, or be excellent."

With that the voice fell silent, with a solemn look on his face, he made his decision, click, type, type, click click click click......

Stranger in a strange land : Part 1: Relearning & unlearning

In the months that have gone by, I had left the country to go abroad and learn something new. 'An additional set of qualifications , in the current economic scenario' or so I had been instructed to say, in the worst case at a visa interview. After spending close to a year and a half away, living on my own, earning my living money, and living on what I made. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, which was at the time, much deplored. In the meantime, the recession became steadily worse, and I came home to find employment. It feels good to be back, among familiar surroundings, or so I thought.

I feel a lot like brooks in the shawshank redemption, my country appears to gone and gotten itself in great big hurry. My home town is dotted with flyovers and construction projects which are supposed help in the future, but there seems to be no end in sight, with a lack of foresight that is staggering to this very day. Everyday I see the teeming masses trying to reach one of the now innumerable 'tech parks' around the city, and people fresh out of school or college, all of who seem to have forgotten how to speak English, thanks to the permeation of SMS/rap lingo.

Tattoos are now the norm rather than the new 'cool thing'.Everyone seems to want to or be in a 'relationship' whatever the hell that is, every association with another human is a relationship, humans are by default the only species to categorize and analyse these situations to death, and tinker with them based on a great double standard, Everyone wants others to change to accept them just the way they are.

A Job must be something people like to do, or so the movies tell us, why has the job been reduced to sitting in front of a computer all day? I think my designation has changed from Researcher, to Algorithm Developer, to Programmer , to now 'Man Who Runs Code'.Is this the real thing ? I wonder, if anywhere in the industry, time to market is the only prized constraint, then the word research becomes meaningless, surely a cockatoo with a strong enough beak or one trained to hop on the right keys can cobble together existing technology for a new product?

The real thing I have difficulty with is the language, academia interestingly, uses less complex and simpler language than the industry, even the most technical aspect of a job is described in the simplest words, however, words appear to have been soft-pedalled in most aspects, over time, and this is not just in industry, its the influx of management based lexicon into normal language which robs it of the chance to make an impact, sometime in those 16 months, brainstorming became 'ideating', problems, became 'issues',Holy hell! everything is an issue! Not going to the bathroom often is as much an issue as wearing your shoes, but only one of those is a problem. We have no more shoes or slippers anymore, we now have running shoes, trekking shoes, sandals,high heeled shoes, sandals etc.We have no more old people anymore, people are so afraid of age that they actually refer to others as ' 70 years young' , instead we have 'senior citizens', and none of them die, they 'expire' like magazine subscriptions, language and money are probably the best barometers of society, the minute either fails to have the impact it does or if either one is damned by the majority of people, it means there is need of a major overhaul in one way or the other.

As I write the movie 'wake up sid' plays in the background, I hear a voice inside of me saying 'wake up', I wonder if it isnt the medication talking, been sick the past couple of days.I guess I took the first step down overhaul avenue when I came home because I wanted to be like a fictional character. Fictional characters are so much more easier to idolize because there is very little you actually know about them and their circumstances.

Step 1. Eschew the aristocracy of pull, be self made>So far so good, my first job was through my effort and mine alone. I recognise however that to complete the transformation, I'm in need of a major overhaul (there's that word again ) in other aspects. Hope the recovery is swift enough to allow me that opportunity.

Purpose

"What drives you?" Is a question many people either reply to with a blank stare, or a seemingly quizzical look. Has the human race become so mechanical that we exist, work and live not knowing what we do it for?

" The most depraved man is the man without a purpose"--Francisco d'Anconia, "Atlas shrugged"

Purpose is something that starts early in life, it changes quite often, as we become more and more conditioned to the devouring maw of 'society'.

Anyone who dares go the other way, who even tries to resist, is branded a bad influence,parents tell their children not to assosciate with such people,such people are even demonized.All this for what?For someone not accepting their ideas? for 'daring' to simply say, "I dont think so."

The key words there being 'I' and 'think'.A powerful combination of words used so often in life that we dont really grasp how significant it is.

They form the the beam, of the scales held by that fairest and most ruthless of judges, Reality.

Why is it that people cannot stomach the thought of a different idea at all?Why is it that every new idea, philosophy or notion must first go through a phase of opposition?

The greatest thinkers of the ages were men that followed their own vision, who tried and found new ways to solve problems,problems that seemingly, only they could see.How many saw the apple fall from the tree before Newton took the hint? How many took for granted that gravitation was an instantaneous force before Einstein?

The answer of the brutish society that forces people to conform to its norms, has always been "We know" to suggest that they as a whole, know already what is best for them who are already beyond their bounds,does the air know what is best for the earth? Fifteen hundred years ago, everyone knew, the earth was flat, One hundred and fifty years ago, everyone knew, that alternating current was too dangerous and could never be tamed or transmitted, fifteen years ago, everyone knew,that no one would ever win more than 7 gold medals at the olympics,fifteen days ago, 15 days ago, everyone knew, the 4 teams who would make it to the IPL semifinals, imagine what we will know, 15 minutes from now.

Two quotes which best summarise this post "Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear."--Thomas Jefferson

"Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man."--Bertrand Russell

Therefore, thinking is the best defence we have, against the ills of the world, it is the best way to ensure that we always have a purpose,that we know for what we work, why we work, and guard us against the fate of becoming a race of automatons.

New Rules

"Life, that can shower you with so much splendour, is unremittingly cruel to those who have given up."--Stephen Fry.

There's a profound secret I've discovered,it is that life's rules aren't as rigid as one might think.What men can or cannot do really is all in our heads.In the star trek, the next generation episode "Tapestry" Picard initially dies in an attack, and is offered a chance to go back in time and correct the critical juncture by playing it safe, thus enabling to lead a long life and survive the attack in the process.He returns to his time to find that he is no longer the captain of the enterprise, but a lowly Lieutainant junior grade in the astrophysics department.As he repents having changed his past and seeing Q's rationale, returns to the past and puts things back the way they were.

Lt. J.G. Jean-Luc Picard : Having a good laugh now, Q? Does it amuse you to think of me living out the rest of my life as a dreary man in a tedious job?
Q : I gave you something most mortals never experience: a second chance at life. And now all you can do is complain?
Lt. J.G. Jean-Luc Picard : I can't live out my days as that person. That man is bereft of passion... and imagination! That is not who *I* am!
Q : Au contraire! He is the person you wanted to be: one who was less arrogant and undisciplined in his youth, one who was less like me... The Jean-Luc Picard you wanted to be, the one who did NOT fight the Nausicaan, had quite a different career from the one you remember. That Picard never had a brush with death, never came face-to-face with his own mortality, never realized how fragile life is, or how important each moment must be. So his life never came into focus. He drifted through much of his career, with no plan or agenda, going from one assignment to the next, never seizing the opportunities that presented themselves. He never led the away team on Milika III to save the ambassador; or take charge of the Stargazer's bridge when its captain was killed. And no one ever offered him a command. He learned to play it safe. And he never, ever, got noticed by anyone.

As I watched, I was struck by how remarkably it paralleled my own life in many instances(not all), as there are many instances where I too have wished to go back and rectify mistakes I have made, take back things I have said, not take a particular risk, not break a particular rule,basically be as I was expected to be...someone who played it safe, always obeyed, always agreed with the status quo.I am thankful that somewhere along the line, I did rebel,much to the chagrin of many.I firmly believe that unquestioned acceptance of anything, is wrong, and unquestioned acceptance of everything is lunacy.

Too few take the opportunity to swim against the stream, to take on the system,the society at large.It is a deplorable thing indeed.To quote Thomas Jefferson

“Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear”

Why is it that people shrink from thinking?That they trap themselves in the same illusory cage that they believe their predecessors constructed especially for them?Indeed, life's rules are not as rigid as we might expect, but not arbitrary, and certainly not simple.It is like a system of roads that move, the road to a particular destination may be encountered oft, and at different stages, perhaps along the route to different destination as well,but the greatest advantage man has is free will, he is free to choose,choose what road he will travel, what beasts he will encounter,what mountains he will climb, whether he will climb, whether he will slay the beasts or be slain... life isn't change... life is choice.

To summarise, making mistakes is alright, the more the merrier, repetition of the mistakes is a sin.

The teachings of Phunsuk Wangdu

A new post after a very very long time, since that time, Manchester United did not manage to defend the UEFA cup, rather abysmally so,I might add,the world plunged deep into a recession,news of which evidently did not reach one F.Perez, of the board of Real Madrid FC, resulting in the world transfer record being broken twice,and the dawn of a new age of Galacticos in La liga.

In that time, I have started graduate studies,finished my first semester,which was alright, I did reasonably well,even though things do seem to be going my way, I ask of myself, why is it that I am still not happy?If it is anything that I have learnt over the course of my short existence, it is that people are inherently conditioned to look for , and pursue happiness.Any and all happiness I have found in the past few months has been from my work, my graduate studies,the projects and assignments therein, but the happiness achieved is much like the 'high' people have told me comes form cigarettes, alcohol or any other intoxicant.

It is fleeting, all too brief,much like the ripples in current or voltage from a rectifier,and I confess, I am nearly an addict, I crave more and more of this such that it is no longer the fleeting passing moment before looking for my next fix.Never before have I seen myself in such similar light to acerbic TV character I used to identify with, Dr.Gregory House(House MD).I really do understand it now, the constant need to have something interesting to occupy oneself with.

Another character, this time,from a movie,who shared the same obsession was Aamir khan's character in the movie 3 idiots.Which, unfortunately I managed to see only yesterday.The unfortunate part is that I took so long to get to see it.

The movie itself ,is in the true Indian way of saying it, 'filmy' in some parts, in the sense that some things would usually never fall into place.But the underlying message is one which everyone needs to hear,and live.The film is first rate, if you haven't seen it, please do.

I learnt a great deal from that movie:

1.Do what you love:

Most of today's society dismisses this as a bromide concocted for the 'losers' of society, those who do not lead a life where they are recognized as someone of standing, in their community, however small.To quote Kevin Spacey "If you aren't a rebel before 20 you've got no heart, if you aren't establishment by 30,you've got no brains."Speaking as someone who jumped on the establishment bandwagon, I might have no right to complain, although, I will say this, in my opinion, there is no establishment,it is a bogeyman concocted by parents and 'upstanding members of the society'.There is always room to change.Even within the most rigid hierarchial organizations.People must realise that their neighbours,parents and relatives are not yardsticks to measure their own success.Anything new, must go through what Gandhi said about his ideals 'First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then, you win.'

2.Dil bada darpok hai:

Another fact which is true,people are afraid to change, everywhere.People fear thought and change more than anything.People have become so conditioned to fear of failure,that they are afraid to think, which indeed, as Ayn Rand puts it in 'Atlas shrugged', the only evil thought.Thinking in a reasonable,rational manner,by a few, is what got the world where it is now,all the progress is by thinking and changing.If the first man did not think of rubbing sticks together to change the temperature of his surroundings, god knows what might have been.Every great discovery and invention has come at the independent work of some independent mind, every horror and destruction has come from trying to force men into a herd of brainless soulless robots.To remove this, the great Richard Feynman suggested as much in the title of one of his books 'What do you care what other people think?'

3.Strive for excellence, success will follow:

"When you discover what you will be in your life, set out to do it as if God Almighty called you at this particular moment in history to do it. don't just set out to do a good job. Set out to do such a good job that the living, the dead or the unborn couldn't do it any better.If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, sweep streets like Beethoven composed music, sweep streets like Leontyne Price sings before the Metropolitan Opera. Sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well. Be the best of whatever you are."

When in Rome..... do as the champions do!!

Historically, Rome is symbolic of many things.From the iconic colosseum , which witnessed many a bloody gladiatorial contest, to being a center of art, knowledge and beauty in the ancient world.Rome was the center of the greatest of empires, which stretched at the time almost half way across the known world.

Come the 27th of may, all roads will once more lead to Rome.For it is here that the eyes of the footballing world will gaze, for a night that is second only to the world cup final. The pinnacle of club football, the final of the UEFA champions league.

In a clash that is worthy of the tournament, we have what could be the 2 best teams in europe, with the 2 best players in europe. Champions of their respective divisions,winners of accolades, epitomising the spirit in which the game must be played, Hard, but fair, and always to win.

In one corner, Campeones de España,Ganadores de la Copa del Rey,Ganadores de la Liga de Campeones 1992 y 2006, Futbol Club Barcelona.

In the opposing corner, to quote the announcer at old trafford, "THE CHAMPIONS OF ENGLAND, THE CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE, & THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD", Manchester United FC.

In a season that has seen Manchester United challenge for an unprecedented clean sweep of 6 trophies & miss out only by a hair's breadth on the FA cup & the European super cup,they are still challenging for something of epic proportions, to do something that has never been done before, To defend the UEFA champions league in its current format, thus creating history, something which, lets face it... ManUtd have become increasingly accustomed to doing.

In their quest for yet another slice of history and to keep the 'big eared cup' at old trafford for another year, they face arguably their toughest test in the catalan giants from the nou camp, who have been playing football which has been described with every adjective from fantastic to mesmerising.Their passing game has been simply outstanding,remeniscent of a bygone era, even without their full backs, alves & abidal & rafael marquez in center half, they pose a fearsome threat.

Why? you ask? simply because of this, all season, Barcelona's game has never been to defend against the opposition, it has simply relied on 2 words, pass and attack, its as if to say, score how many ever you want, we'll do you one better, so if anything, the loss of their defence will spur their attacking trident of henry eto-o and messi on even harder, it is possible that the formation might change, which guardiola is usually loathe to do, the attack might be focussed from United's right, where perceptibly the weakness in the defence lies, in the form of John o-shea , who for all his versatility will be tested most sternly in the contest.

Manchester United on the other hand come into the game on an incredible run, having been crowned domestic champions,being unbeaten in the champions league for over a year.They have been playing excellent football and have not hesitated to batten down the hatches and counter attack when too many of their opponent's resources have been comitted forward.If anything, a tactical move.United, at least on paper, look the more balanced and complete side,with a solid defensive line compared to the makeshift line Barcelona will field in Rome, that being said, it is essential that United be at their most clinical and ruthless best if they are to win, Barcelona are not to be given any quarter what so ever.

Looking at the road to the final, United and Barcelona emerged toppers of their respective groups, and though United had to rely on an absolute scorcher from Cristiano Ronaldo to get past the pacy & aggressive Porto side, while Barcelona made similar heavy weather against Lyon in the first leg against the marauding Benzema before steamrolling them in the second.

United faced arch rivals arsenal in a mismatch of sorts at the semi final stage where they utterly smashed their old foes into the ground with a brilliant display of attacking football over the 2 legs.Barcelona were nearly undone by chelsea's tactics of what can only be called 'anti football', at the Nou Camp, where chelsea played with a back 10 or a back 11 at times, but justice was done in a controversy marred final where chelsea's physical approach & overly defensive & negative tactics caught up with them at stamford bridge in the form of an incompetent referee, and an amazing goal from Andres Iniesta, chelsea are yet to face the wrath of UEFA for Drogba & other players' outbursts on the pitch, but football has won.

And so, we are to see, the talents of the 2 most oft spoken of players in the world, both young, supremely talented, talked and bandied about by their respective clubs as jewels in the crown. I refer as is mandatory to Cristiano Ronaldo, and Lionel Messi.On the face of it, for all his petulance and swagger, Ronaldo has stepped up to the plate this season, and * ahem * hit several screamers into the back of the net.Lionel Messi on the other hand has been the arthur ashe to Ronaldo's Jimmy Connors and in his quiet but modest way, 'el mesias' has let his football do the talking, and talk it has, shouted from the rooftops rather.

Barcelona have one decided advantage in this game, and that is that their strategy is already decided, they can only attack if they have to win.United on the other hand have an embarassment of riches in the attack department, and it will be curious to see who Sir Alex thrusts into the spot light.

My pick for the formations Man Utd going for a 4-4-1-1 formation which can revert to a 4-4-2 or a 4-5-1depending on whether Ronaldo plays as a striker, or winger or supporting striker. In midfield however, Sir Alex will certainly pick his most hard working midfield, sprinkled with a dash of creativity, in Giggs, Park, Anderson and Carrick, With Rooney & Ronaldo up front, both playing interchangably as striker and support striker. Also possible is a 4-3-3 going all guns blazing against a weakened Barca Backline, with Berbatov or Tevez being the other starter at perhaps at the expense of Carrick.But the most likely is a 4-5-1 to stifle Barcelona's midfield, while using Rooney's work rate to stop Lionel Messi, as much as I would love to see Rooney return to his role as an out and out striker.

Barcelona appear almost certain to stick to their original formation, although it is possible that the catalans will alter tehir formation given the weakened nature of their back line, a 4-4-2 perhaps? All will be revealed tonight, as the clouds gather before what could be an epic battle, worthy of the colosseum itself, a gladiatoral contest, on which the eyes of the world will be.

Shoeing away the politicians

I looked up politics in the dictionary, and it's a combination of 2 words, poli, from the latin meaning many, & tics, meaning bloodsucking creatures--Robin Williams

If you would take a gander at todays Indian politics, it would seem that the public is finally fed to the back teeth with pointless promises which often never materialize.It is now that the humble shoe, a lesson we oddly had to learn from Iraq, has become the chief weapon of the public's discontent.The past few days have seen no less a personage than the home minister, Mr.Chidambaram, becoming the subject of public ire from someone who had a special place for him on his sole.Naveen Jindal is the latest casualty of footwear projectiles.

As someone who loathes politicians on principle, I am both delighted and depressed by the turn of events.Dont get me wrong, I dont disapprove of it at all.. I'm depressed on two counts...one, that it took so long to happen, and two that it is only happening as a set of isolated incidents.I would suppose, that in India, a public slippering/shoeing/sneakering/stillettoing... or what have you.. would have much greater significance.. not least because of the fact that the vast majority of those who understand the significance of the discontent in a protest expressed by a podiatric projectile, rather than in Iraq, where George Bush(George II, of crawford,Tx. his reign of error is over, Hallelujah!) put it down to mere attention seeking behaviour.

Let us look at what has been the result of the past election, the UPA was voted to power,true... in a comeback even most hollywood underdog movies could not fathom, especially after being drubbed for 2 terms by the NDA.The UPA's platform was.. "Aam Aadmi Ka party"...what have we seen in the past 5 years...

1. Pro's first.. An economic boom... wait.. I hear the knives of the recessionitas being sharpened... I'll get to it..
2. The Indo-US Nuclear deal, & possibly the ending of nuclear apartheid in an effort to meet India's growing energy demands

& now.. the prison is broken.. because here come the cons

1. The economic boom..boom in more of the sense of a bubble bursting.. thanks to out astute (then) finance minister's loan waiver,and cheap vote bank politics.
2. A decision of the myopic dinosaurs in the education department to award a substantial amount of seats toward reservation( more vote bank politics)
3. The solving of many high profile cases... or rather resolving.. because as usual, it was bungled..& eventually solved because of intense pressure from the media...some cases are still pending, or unsolved.. the most monstrous case of bungling being the aarushi murder case.

well now.. what have we here..I think, there has been a massive misunderstanding, considering the overly agrarian policies of the UPA,in an attempt to garner as many votes as possible... it would seem, that to them 'Aam, in "Aam aadmi" did not mean common.. as in common man... but in the more deliciously ironic "Aam", as in mango.

Now, as that time comes again, when we have to vote to select who will rule us again, Let us see what it boils down to, In one corner, we must choose, between

1. Someone who cannot get off his hindutva high horse.
2. A proven visionary as a finance minister or prime minister,but whose party's track record during the past term has been anything but enviable.
3. The so called 'Third front',a front led by the communists, & then really, god help us then..

I dont wish to see any of these come to power, I prefer a government of the competent, of people who truly do understand the issues that do plague the nation, why not have, say, N.R.Narayan Murthy for the IT sector, Sam Pitroda for the telecom sector, Dr.Verghese Kurien in the agriculture sector, to name a few.

To end, to all poiticians, and those who still think that the system can save us,to you, who still demand that people excercise their power of choice, when the choice is only between bad & worse...I quote a passage from Atlas Shrugged...as a riposte.

"the answer you deserve is only: 'Try and get it.'

"You proclaim yourself unable to harness the forces of inanimate matter, yet propose to harness the minds of men who are able to achieve the feats you cannot equal. You proclaim that you cannot survive without us, yet propose to dictate the terms of our survival. You proclaim that you need us, yet indulge the impertinence of asserting your right to rule us by force-and expect that we, who are not afraid of that physical nature which fills you with terror, will cower at the sight of any lout who has talked you into voting him a chance to command us.

"You propose to establish a social order based on the following tenets: that you're incompetent to run your own life, but competent to run the lives of others-that you're unfit to exist in freedom, but fit to become an omnipotent ruler-that you're unable to earn your living by the use of your own intelligence, but able to judge politicians and to vote them into jobs of total power over arts you have never seen, over sciences you have never studied, over achievements of which you have no knowledge, over the gigantic industries where you, by your own definition of your capacity, would be unable successfully to fill the job of assistant greaser."

So in sum, till there is an actual candidate, who will actually implement any beneficial policy, while doing so at the expense of vote bank politics, it is probably fitting that shoes continue to be thrown.